I think one of the biggest hurdles I need to overcome in this whole “You’re now a person with a college degree & no set future plans” state (sometimes also referred to as adulthood) is the crippling fear of making one mistake that ruins everything. So often, well meaning articles online or former professors have told me that the next few years determine the rest of your life (or something).
That. Is. Terrifying.
I always interpret that to mean something like “If you don’t make exactly the right decision(s) while 22-25, have fun being stuck as a washed up nobody for the rest of your life.” I’ve always been hyper-aware/fearful of the possibility of settling, but I’ve so fervently tried to fight against it–despite never truly understanding my actions. In my battle to live without regrets, I live a half-life, too full of my overactive mind and burdened by the pressure of being essentially perfect.
But in a rambling sort of way, today I want to kill that lie.
The choices I make today are important, but just as important as the ones I made at 17 or will make at 43. Life is too full of grace & second chances to ever be just one linear path. And I don’t think I believe in that anyways–God has everything planned out, but I really doubt it’s a straight line. I think life’s a lot more rambling and messy. Or maybe life’s more like Russian nesting dolls–the experiences and stories you live now add more depth to your life, building more on who you were made to be.
The pressure of putting the fate of entire life on my 22 year old shoulders is a little too much to bear. I mean, the Sistine Chapel wasn’t built in a day. The story of my life cannot be figured out (or written) in one sitting (no matter how much I try to solve the puzzle.)