You’ve read about 5 Types of Greek Girls, but it would be simply unfair neglect the plethora* of Lee University’s Greek guys. Like I asserted in the previous post, everyone is the SAME. These types of personalities stay constant, even if their club doesn’t stick around. Of course you may be wondering how I’m even qualified to write about Greek men, as (gasp) I’m not a little sister to any of the 4 clubs. Obviously, I cry myself to sleep every night over my meaningless life without wearing black, navy, forest green, or burgundy alongside jade. It’s a miracle I can function, to be honest. But for the grace of God…
*Plethora in Lee terms is still like 4 girls to every guy. I mean, there’s 6 girl clubs & just 4 guy clubs. Numbers don’t lie.
Prepare to read a delightful bunch of metaphors! Disclaimer: Any resemblance to any person living or dead is purely coincidental.
1. The Grandpa.
“Aren’t you like 26?” and “Weren’t you supposed to graduate 2 semesters ago?” are frequently asked questions to the Grandpa type. Usually, they stay in order to a) be the oldest member in the entire club and rule with an iron (albeit wrinkled and sun spotted) fist b) be Induction Chair…for the 5th time or c) attempt to score with yet another hapless Greek girl (see: The Crazy or Needy one)…or all three! But let’s face it, Grandpas will never leave.
2. The TFM/”I Forgot This Wasn’t a Real Fraternity” Guy.
The “I forgot this wasn’t a real fraternity” guy needs a wake up, come to Jesus meeting. Stop retweeting TFM, stop wearing preppy polos, and stop pretending that your club is a fraternity. Hate to break it to you but it’s a Greek social service club…not nationally affiliated with anything. I guess in the purest sense of the word, our clubs are like brotherhoods & sisterhoods, but let’s not get power trips. The true meaning & potency of Lee’s Greek clubs doesn’t come from the letters or labels, but in action & supporting one another. Deep down, you know that you should’ve gone to a state school, my friend.
3. The Dessert.
Like Forest Gump’s mom Sally Fields said, life is like a box of chocolates & you never know what you’re going to get. The Dessert type of Greek guy is like the gross, weird tasting chocolate you get & regret immediately. Sure, they look great on the outside and seem sweet, but actually have an awful reputation & add nothing but stress to your life. Where can you find them? They’re usually at the heart of trouble the club gets into. In regards to getting in a girls’ club, either the Desserts are Big Brothers already & hook up with a bunch of those same hapless girls in the club or because they’ve already been with the majority of the club, it’s too late for them to be a Big Brother, as their reputation is ruined. (But no worries, there are always 5 other girls clubs to sweat…)
4. The Desperate Sweater.
Desperates are those that truly grasp the fact that Lee’s guy to girl ratio is in their favor. They’ve done the math and know that with a little bit of flirting, going to softball games, or in some clubs’ cases, even just knowing one or two members, they are guaranteed the coveted role of Big Brother. Unfortunately, Desperates don’t sweat in a logical way but instead, (for a tiny little example story) are gungho for one club in particular (trashtalking all the others) for like four whole semesters, get rejected each time, and then switch clubs to sweat. Honey child, that’s pathetic. Pick a club & stick with it. If you don’t get in, it’s not the end of the world. Just don’t stick around enough and end up reaching Grandpa status.
5. The “Never Forget” Guy.
Akin to the female Obsessive type, the “Never Forget” guy is classified as such because, well, he never wears anything but letters or club shirts. Ever. And forget ever seeing normal clothes on this type when he’s in both a girls’ and guys’ club: he’s basically set for life with Greek clothes. You couldn’t ever forget what club he’s in, due to the multiple visual cues. I genuinely worry about this type after graduation. Somebody please take them on a post-grad shopping trip to get real life outfits! They’ll have literally not a thread of clothing to wear!